Reconciling Love (One-shot)
by Lacuna Everspring
Summary: I had wondered how Rose had felt, being denied the Doctor, at the end of Journey's End, & being left with the Meta-Crisis Doctor. Would it be so easy to love him as she did the original? Or would it not be as simple as heart over mind, accepting 10.5 as a consolation prize when her real love left without goodbye. A peek into her thoughts in the following days as she comes to terms.


Author's Note: First Attempt at a Doctor Who fic... I just marathon-ed season 1-7 in 3 weeks and fell in love with the series... but I had always wondered how Rose felt after the Doctor had left in the Tardis with Donna, being left with 10.5, knowing he wasn't the real thing... but still happy to at least keep some semblance of her true love... this was just a quick idea that I had jotted down in an hour last night, haha.

* * *

Reconciling Love (One-shot Doctor Who short story)

It wasn't fair, she knew... to have kept him waiting these last three days. But everything just wasn't the same anymore. Since that day on Bad Wolf Bay beach, when Rose Tyler had lost the only thing she had ever wanted, and gained it at the same time.

She had asked him for time, a couple days... time to reconcile her mind and heart that the Doctor was gone forever this time, there was no way for him to come back, the damage to the universe was too damaged to risk doing so again. But he had did the only thing he could do, under the circumstances, after the battle to save the universe; He had left her himself.

If she only closed her eyes, she could recall that day on the beach, when she had asked the Doctor what he had said when he had left her the first time on that lonely shore, heartbroken and alone.

"Does it really need saying?" He had said, though he said not the words, his voice rang with unspoken meaning, but it wasn't enough.

She had glanced to his Meta-Crisis self, his twin with all his nine centuries of memories, everything he had ever known and felt, doubled when Donna had helped release the regeneration energy of his severed hand, regenerated into this perfect replica of the Doctor.

"And you? How does that sentence end? Well?" Rose demanded, hating hearing the way her voice broke, as the tears streamed down her cheeks. Knowing she was going to lose him, but still, despite the pain, needing to know the truth.

The Second Doctor leaned over and whispered into her ear softly:

"Until I breathe my last breath, I will love you with all I am."

Her eyes soften and filled once more with tears as she threw her arms about the Second Doctor's neck and drew him into a hard, crushing kiss, so filled with the love, regret and sorrow of imminent farewell.

It wasn't until she heard the sound of the T.A.R.D.I.S. departing that she broke away from him quickly and whirled around and ran several steps toward where the Police box had once stood, that her shoulders slumped as she realized he had left her again, and didn't say goodbye... Her Doctor, oh how he hated saying goodbye.

Rose opened her eyes, glancing out over the gardens of her father's mansion. She stared off into the distance, not really seeing much, just thoughtful.

She had loved him more than she had ever thought possible, to a depth that had surprised her to realize once at that time she had realized he was to leave her behind. How does one go back to a semblance of a normal life once one travels with the Doctor? Seeing the suns go nova, saving alien races, going to the future and traveling to ancient times... how does normal life begin to compare?

The Doctor that had remained behind with her, knowing in his seemingly infinite wisdom how torn she was about him... seeming to know that she needed to reconcile her love for the original Doctor, and him, he who technically was the same person, with the same feelings, thoughts and memories... yet only half-Time Lord now, half-human. It was the only thing the original Doctor could have done... he couldn't stay himself, stranding Donna away from where she had belonged, but he could leave his double, a being created during a time of blood and war, for her to heal and love as she had him. When he had put it that way, how could she not accept and be grateful to at least have some semblance of him remain? Her mind soared and was happy that he was here, for her, and he loved her!

But the niggling little voice in the back of her mind whispered: "He's not the real one, you know, the one you really love... can you settle for the consolation prize?" And she hated herself for it, wanting to deny it but having to accept it as having some basis in truth.

He was staying in rooms down the hall from hers, and she spoke to him daily, at various times but unintentionally finding ways to not be alone with him while she tried to work through her feelings. His ancient eyes followed her, full of sadness, but with understanding as well too... to her irritation, he understood that he was a double, yet at the same time, he was still the same person, but with one less heart being the only difference.

How can you assuage the feeling that you've irretrievably lost the one thing you treasure most, when he is still somehow, standing in front of you?

Rose had thought long and hard... with such contradictory thoughts that at times she thought she must go mad, or feel as though her heart would tear her in two with impossible grief. But in the end, she had realized that morning, on the third day when she had woken that it really only boiled down to two things... and with that her mind and heart felt calmer and more clear, and more resolved as to what she must do.

Firstly, she asked herself the one question that pained her most to ask herself:

If she couldn't reconcile herself, that this Doctor, despite being a double, was her Doctor... did she truly have any right to keep him waiting, and hoping for her to come to him, as she knew he was. With nine centuries under his belt, and despite his previous personality issues with staying in one place settled for long, he seemed to have a lot of practice with patience.

With that question being asked... another question... with her love for the Doctor, could she truly stand to sever all ties with him, and reject the gift he had given her, of entrusting his Meta-crisis self to her, and let him go to move on with her life without him?

And when her heart clenched in pain, the thought so unbearable... to never see him again, double or not... Rose didn't think she could survive it again. She didn't want to lose him, she didn't want to lose the person who had made her into the strong, brave woman that she had grown to become after knowing him, and being with him for all those many adventures and the one thing that finally made her mind up... this was her Doctor... she loved him more because he was brave enough to speak aloud to her how he felt, when the original Doctor skirted the answer when she had asked. And because of that, how could she ask for more? How could she doubt him?

Hope, a tiny seed blossoming within her heart. Imagine all the new adventures we could have together now, Rose thought, with a smile tugging the corner of her lips. There may not be a T.A.R.D.I.S., but life, she thought... that's the greatest adventure... and he asked to grow old with her... what more could she truly ask of him?

With that resolution firm in her mind, finally, Rose got up from the bench she had been sitting upon and dashed inside. Up the stairs she ran, heedless of the surprised glances of the mansion's staff as she passed on her way to the second floor. Down the hall she went until she came to a stop before a door . His door. Calming her breathing and her heart, Rose knocked.

A moment later, the door opens, and there stands her Doctor his ancient eyes, soft brown in the early afternoon light that fills the room from the open balcony door behind him, search her face for a long moment, then his features light with his old brilliant smile. In her face, he had read her answer, known her conclusions, and all worry was shed from him as he pulled her into his arms in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting " Rose murmured, almost shyly.

The Doctor's lips quirked into a smile. "Well I'm only half-Time Lord now I would say I'd all the time in the world but in this case for you I'd wait forever I did already promise that, I suppose. Although I'm glad you didn't take me up on that the forever part anyways " He laughed at his own wittiness and she lightly smacked his arm as she pulled away, laughing herself.

"What do you say about we have ourselves an adventure? We may not have the T.A.R.D.I.S. here in this universe but I'm sure there's plenty of things we can do and see, the good old fashioned way, eh?" He asked, as he held out his hand to her, questioningly.

Rose grinned. "An adventure? Why Doctor, I thought you'd never ask!" She placed her smaller hand into his warm, larger one, he closed his fingers around it and squeezed gently.

"Allons-y, then!" He cried, jubilant.

* * *

-end-


End file.
